Priyanka uses the crayon to display many different colors which shows her flexibility of voice and writing. She wrote in straight lines and did not draw any pictures. She could have been more flexible with her work, but she did step out of the box slightly. Priyanka used the words reck'on and y'all to show a change in her voice.
This is quality writing. She changes her voice to show that she can be flexible. I know that this is good writing because I actually paid attention to it. She changed her voice throughout the piece as she changed the colors she wrote in. She uses words and statements that capture your attention and force you to focus. I think that her writing is beautiful and that the crayon only makes the writing better and more colorful.
I like it. I'd like to see the original piece. The idea of signaling changes in voice through changes in color is really creative. I would like to know what you think of the piece as a whole, not just in relation to her voice, though that does play a part.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughtful post. I think it's interesting that you said that the writing is good on the basis that you paid attention to it, because we just watched your RAGE video in class, and I feel the same way about it. While it was sad to watch, I know it was effective because it, as you said, captured my attention and forced me to focus. I think the fact that you made the RAGE video and wrote this post shows your flexibility in voice, too. Your video is powerful through image and in a nonlinear way, when this is linear and directed- different voices conveying different, but still effective, messages.
ReplyDeleteAfter watching your four-letter word project, I was astounded with your work. It was truly beautiful and moving - you have a gift for the visual argument and should consider pursuing that. This post though seems like a different composer. I like your general message, but I'm not so sure you expressed it in the best way. I can certainly see that you value the visual argument through your acceptance of the crayon. I think you are being too safe here though. Try to step out of the box - like you did in your video. As it is, the phrasing is slightly awkward. Obviously, you felt deeply about fighting for an awareness of child abuse, so try to feel the same passion for this writing and your excellence will shine through.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughtful post! I read Priyanka's post also, and after reading it I agree with what you said. I like the way she changed her voice and made this more obvious by changing the colors of the crayon. This was definitely an effective way in showing the flexibility of voice. When you said that she could have been more flexible with her work, are you comparing this to your own work or just in general?
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your transcript of the text, I am going to have to agree with you. I would reword certain parts, but I liked the way you said that you know that was a good writing because it made you pay attention to it. And I do think that one of the most difficult things for a writer is to capture the audience's attention, so the fact that she was able to do so does demonstrate that we are facing a good composition. I would rethink and redo some parts, but I understand your reasoning behind this text.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the thoughtful, intelligent post. We watched your "Rage" video in class, and I must say this is very different. The language you use here is very positive. Your video seemed to be more negative. The video was very emotional. All in all, they are very different, but your voice comes out of both. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughtful post. However, as brianag said this post appeared to be different from your amazing four-letter word project. Your project was beautifully composed, but this post seems more on the surface. Is your intention when you pre-write different than your final productions? Is this just another stage of your writing process or did you view the question for this post as an annoyance so you didn't write as you would normally?
ReplyDeleteI read Priyanka's post and agree with your analysis. When it comes to the writing of your piece I would restructure some of the sentences such as "did not draw any pictures though" in order to reduce awkward phrasing. I like your recognition of Priyanka's voice changing as the colors change. That alone shows how you've been paying attention to the writing. I enjoyed your "Rage" video, by the way.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughtful, interesting post. How exactly is Priyanka flexible with her voice? Can you show other examples of her writing in which her voice changes? It would be interesting to see how and why she changes her voice in writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughtful post. Do you think that by not drawing images portrays Priyanka as more of a writer than a visual artist or do you think this is not necessarily the case? I am asking this because in your first paragraph you stated "She wrote in straight lines and did not draw any pictures. She could have been more flexible with her work." Maybe this was due to the face that Priyanka feels the most comfortable expressing her thoughts through words rather than images.
ReplyDeletewhat an interesting post. I think that I agree with what you are saying about how the flexibility of changing voice and color is definatley a skill of a better writer. I am not sure that is the only things that makes a good writer though. does there need to be a good well formed argument? or is just being able to keep others attention even if on a useless matter is good writing?
ReplyDeleteThank you for the thoughtful post. I think you may have been able to expand this piece a little more. You could have showed how "she could have been more flexible with her work." I like how you said you actually paid attention to her writing. Most people would write, but not pay attention. So the fact that you realize that is interesting.
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